I know that the rules of physics are not enough to explain the strangeness of what I see. But there is a part of me which resists the notion of a spiritual dimension, which clings firm to the realities of science and solidity.

These are two sides of me. I am two people. I don't know which I am at any one moment. I would like to be able to choose which person to be, which behaviour to choose, which responses to make, but I cannot.

I stand here and I do not know when something happens which of my selves will respond. If it is of the physical world, my physical self. But how would I react to a spiritual event?

I need both to explore my physical self and also to search within for the elusive spirit.

© 1999 Helen Whitehead